What’s the secret of our happiness? Well I cannot talk about the others. But I can tell you my little secrets…

1) Don’t listen to those who tell you all the time that you should always be happy and positive. Being always lucky is simply not possible. As our life isn’t always bright. Some of us have already suffered a potentially fatal disease, or have threatened with the loss of their beloved ones. Sometime we just suffer from lovesickness, fear or job-disappointment. Life is a permanent change! It challenges us again and again. And it will never stop. That’s the truth. There is a reason why many religions dream of paradise after death, because there is no life on earth without pain. So the harder you try to be only happy, the more it will stress you. Just relax. And this leads us to the second secret:

2) Don’t be fixated on the way you are convinced the world should or shouldn't be. Let it down! Your life is not as bright as from your friends on Instagram? Oh, welcome to the club! Their life isn’t always bright as well! That’s what I try to show in my social media accounts: I talk about highlights as well as about struggles. Because this is the real life! This is normal. Do you have an idea, how many people seem to be very happy in the public eye, but tell me their sorrows when they meet me in a public bathroom, while I am washing my hands? They are normal as you are, and of course they suffer from time to time of grief, pain, stress, sorrows…

3) Doubts let you grow. Since I am working as business and sports mental coach, I meet sometimes people who even don’t look at me because I am not cool enough in their eyes. Some people expect a different picture from a mental coach… Should I always be cool and pushy? That would be a show, an illusion, a lie to you. Sometimes I am just happy in the second row, sometimes I love to dance on tables. And sometimes I just don’t feel confident next to some people and you see that immediately in my body language. But that’s normal. Nobody can seriously be always shiny inside and outside and be everybody’s darling.

Doubts are normal. “Do not doubt him who tells you he is afraid, but be afraid of him who tells you he has no doubts.” (Quote from Erich Fried). Doubts are always an opportunity: it gives you the chance to consider your opinion as only one possible point of view. Doubts let you grow, if you see the positive effects of doubts.

4) Accept that you are worrying sometimes. The inspiring Mark Manson said: “Accepting negative experience is a positive experience”. So accept your hesitations. I know, if I accept them as normal, I neglect them the most. Accept yourself and your thoughts. This will make you smile again. Otherwise you will end up in a mess, in a loop of worries: “Oh I should have done this better, oh I should not worry about this, I must see things positive, but oh can’t, oh I am just a loser, because I am obviously not self-confident enough. What will the others think of me? Oh I should not worry about that, but I worry even more because I don’t want to worry.” And so the worrying becomes even worse.

5) When you are worrying, reach deeper, feel your fear, face up to your deficiencies and tell others what you need. Being on the road with such a great bunch of people like the ASICS FrontRunners, means to me: I am surrounded by handsome, talented and really cool people. So when  I had a look to the photos of one of my first ASICS FrontRunner events, I felt disappointed: “Oh. No professional photographer took a picture of me. Oh, and the others have such great pictures...”.  I took up my courage on my last day and asked Andy, one of the photographers, if he could take a picture of me, because there are hardly no professional pictures of me yet. And he smiled: “Of course Daniela, I‘ll do. How does it come that we forgot you? It’s a pity.  No worries will do that immediately.” And this is how life is: It only takes one person to change your situation. And that’s always you! Others can only support you, if you ask them.

6) Don’t worry, that you are worrying sometimes. But keep  your "eyes-to-the-sky" to look up and reflect what you can change in this situation. That's the way to inner growth. And this is my last secret:

7) Don’t expect others (not your boss, not your partner, not even your parents) to make your life brighter. It’s all about you. Your boss is annoying you? Maybe you have not found the right way to communicate with him yet. Just relax. Stress interferes with your ability to reach people, so get your emotions under control. Often we are so busy feeling upset with others that we are acting impatient and irritate others. By worrying we don’t notice that we just stepped on the toes of the other ones instead of walking in their shoes. That’s normal. 

Don’t care about your unperfectness. And maybe you want to try it again in another way? Just don’t worry too much. Life is a social experiment. Accept your negative experience and your feelings when you are disappointed. Where there is light, there is also shadow. That’s pretty normal life. Just remember to look on the bright side again. :)

#imoveme #imoveamsterdam #asicsfrontrunnergermany #mentalcoaching  

Fotocredits:

(1) Inger Diederich

(2) and (3) Andy Astfalck